"No," Kimmy says, shaking her head. Then: "Well, I don't know. Maybe. We were on The Today Show?"

A lot of people here haven't seen The Today Show, though, thankfully. If she hadn't received that newspaper that one time, nobody might know what she'd been through. "We were... kidnapped, about fifteen years ago. There was this reverend, he told us the world was ending... or had ended, and it was our fault..."

Saying it aloud is a million different kinds of surreal, and Kimmy makes herself look away as she does.